The Riddle

Does the husband or wife run the show? Is it just she? is it he? Who's skill set is more capable of running the everyday family affairs?

Let's compare. Is he a college graduate? Is he good with money? Is he a man of honor and integrity? Is he a patient, kind, and listening man? What about her? Is she kind and considerate? Is she able to remain calm in stressful times? Does she have a degree in finance, or child development perhaps? Who then, should run the show, and if the deed must be shared, when and who should take care of what?

The answer to this riddle and all of these questions must first be tossed aside, for the primary question itself, is misguided. Neither he, nor she should ever at one time be running any "show", truly, on their own. The deeds of nurturing a child, a family, a marriage, ought ne'er to fall entirely upon the shoulders of one person. The duties and responsibilities are to be shared by each partner, or spouse. As the oxen drive a wagon forward, they must be perfectly abreast beneath the yoke, in balance, so as to move steadily forward.

Interestingly enough, when husband and wife team as equals, the load is shared, and shifted back and forth perfectly, for there is no shifting of weight at all.

Too often do couples subconsciously shut out the other, and presume to carry 100% of certain aspects of a marriage or family alone.... we see this in husbands who only pay the bills, but fail to be a father. We see this in wives who only take care of the kids and house, but fail to be a companion and comfort to their husbands.

There are many ways a family can be out of balance, but there is only one way the load can truly move onward to the final goal, and that is when the load is properly and equally shared by those parties who are entrusted to carry it forward.

A wife, a mother, a woman - regardless of personal eloquence, achievement, accolade, grace, strength, or mercy, is still incomplete on her own. A husband, a father, a man - regardless of prestige, wisdom, education, strength, finesse or good manners, cannot alone achieve what is to be won.

To be successful in marriage, in family, in life, there must not be any his or hers, no reservations or things held back. The yoke of communication that keeps all in tact must bind man and woman together as equal powers, in order to harmoniously progress to their desired destination.

Nevertheless, man and woman insist they retain, or perhaps even resent, a few personal things for themselves, and too often reserve the worst and the best for themselves. Complete trust then becomes an idea which must be deciphered by an enigma of heartache and confusion, of judgment based upon fleeting emotion from one's past.

It has become the quest of couples to solve this riddle, when the entire time the maze of in balance, frustration and confusion in which they meddle separately is not to be navigated or solved at all, but to be withdrawn from, left, and abandoned entirely as man and wife. Therein lies the solution to the riddle.

Husband and wife are given the responsibility to look after one another's best interests, to make the other feel loved and appreciated, and to look after any children they have as equal partners. Any and all mental, or emotional blocks are not to be buried deep in the confines of his or her heart, but presented to one's spouse in all humility, trust, and conviction to press forward. This can be difficult at times, and perhaps it is even necessary to prepare one's spouse for the less than honorable events of yesterday. But to do so means the release of personal anger, fear, frustration, even hate and confusion for the one, and which translates into more focused attention to their loved ones.

I love my wife dearly, and no one I know is a better example of this to me than her. She has risen from the ashes of hurt and mistrust and has blossomed into a woman of faith and grace, to whom I will be forever indebted to. I love you Tenille.